The Negative Mind

Negative thinking is subtle and deceptive.  It wears many faces and hides behind the masks of many excuses.  It is important to strip away the mask and discover the real, root emotion. ~Robert H. Schuller

This past weekend made me, unexpectedly, reflect on the few changes that has happened in my life.  I have just begun incorporating the phrase, “I am a positive thinker” in my daily life, even when I know it is very difficult for me to be optimistic, but after being held accountable a few weeks ago, by someone who I believe was sent to literally walk right into my life during the worst time, I am slowly beginning to take the phrase more seriously.  Being in a constant battle with your thoughts can be toxic to your mind, body, and spirit, but you hardly notice what the negative thoughts are doing to you physically and mentally because you, unknowingly, make excuses for your negative mind.

For example, I always had negative conceptions about my looks, my ability to do new things, and if I was ever good enough.  School, family, relationships, friendships, or just about anything you can think of, I had doubts about being successful.  Overall, I rarely noticed all of the positive attributes about myself because my negative thinking had me wearing “the masks of many excuses” such as, “That person does not like me”, “I cannot wear that outfit because I’m too small”, “I am not smart enough”, “I am not pretty enough to be with him or “thick enough”…hey I’m a slim chick!  Or, “I do not do enough for my family to show that I love and care about them”…you see what I mean, my list of excuses could probably cover an entire page, front and back.  Now, while I kept replaying these negative thoughts in my head, along with a few more, I forgot to congratulate myself when I was accepted into a prestigious greek letter organization, graduated from college, began working as an educator, or continued my education and being two months away from graduating with a Masters in Teaching Special Education, while dealing with random trips to the emergency room and a few procedures.  One of which I have coming up this week!         

I realized it was time for me to take off my masks and when I had the courage to do so, I began seeing myself for the first time and I know that may seem a little weird to say.  Yes, I have mirrors in my place, so I see myself everyday, but I SAW MYSELF.  The real beautiful me with no make-up, gorgeous smile, and a mane that is only fit for a queen.  Suddenly, I saw the insecurities creep back into my mind, but I had to make a choice.  To continue to hide behind that masks and look at the many excuses I made up for myself or marvel at the intelligent beauty that was looking back at me saying, “I was here all along, so what took you so long?”

Since making that decision, things have not been the same, but they have not been easier either.  The negative mind is a strong, tough, and powerful being that takes a lot to get over, at least for me and maybe I will never be completely over my negative mind.  However, on the days I feel discouraged and I want to give up, I tell myself, I am a positive thinker and I think about the many things that I accomplished in the midst of my many storms and I also think about the good things that are to come.  Have you been hiding behind your masks of many excuses because you continuously think negative about your life or yourself?  When you are ready, and you will know when you are ready, take off all of the masks and discover the real you and be ready to face the root.