Chapter 10 Chipping Away Your Boulder
I’m sure you are familiar with the phrase, “a chip on your shoulder.” When this is mentioned, you are usually upset at something or someone, or you may feel down about yourself. There are times when, this so-called chip grows and grows until it feels more like an immovable boulder. You probably refer to this as having baggage. Well, what do you do when your baggage or boulder weighs you down? Do you continue to carry this chip around as if it is a part of you, while struggling to manage the weight? Just imagine having something that is immovable by man because the weight is so massive on your back. That is exactly how I felt with all of the issues that I was forced to face two years ago.
Facing this huge obstacle was something that I did not choose to do. It was more so forced upon me because of what I was dealing with at that time in my life. It is funny how life will position you in a way that will cause you to face your fears, past, guilt, shame, loneliness, secrets, and your insecurities all at once. So there they were…all of my issues that I could possibly imagine, fused into this hard and heavy boulder that I was tired of carrying around. All I could think of at that moment was, “Now what?” I couldn’t suppress it at all. Instead, I had to accept everything that was weighing me down for years, and I had to determine what I was going to do with it. I could not move it, make it disappear, or act as if it did not exist. I tried that for years and, if anything, more junk just accumulated. So, I decided to chip away at the boulder.
First, I had to get my protective gear and my tools that I would need to work on dismantling my boulder. My protective gear was prayer, meditation, and listening to myself about my feelings. My tools for breaking down the gigantic monstrous boulder included my anger, frustration, and tears. I was done with holding on to everything. Once I was able to admit that and talk about everything that had me feeling low, uncomfortable, and depressed, I slowly started to feel lighter. Now, this was a process and not an overnight fix. However, once it was done, I noticed that I had successfully chipped away the boulder. Conversely, instead of carrying all my issues, I was surrounded by them. Visually, they became rocks scattered around me. Now what?
My next plan was to decide if I was going to discard all of those issues and begin a new life, worry about ALL of my issues and allow them to take control of me all over again, or be happy that I was looking down at my issues versus carrying them in such a way that consumed my life. It took me awhile to realize that looking down at my issues was a beautiful thing. I thought about the phrase, “kick rocks.” Yes! I could actually maneuver those rocks that once laid over me as a boulder. That felt amazing. Before me, laid the very issues I cried over and felt shameful about for so long. They were still there, but this was the turning point for me. At that moment, I acknowledged that all of those issues, the not so bad to the ugliest issues, were experiences that made me who I am today. So, I could not get rid of them, because that would be like getting rid of parts of myself. I could not act as if they did not exist, because I would be denying what I went through as my life’s experiences.
Instead, I continued to go on my journey in life accepting my issues as experiences. Every now and again, I see them on my life’s path. Nevertheless, it is okay because I know I do not have time to stop, examine, and pick up that issue. I know that there are new experiences lying ahead of me…waiting just for me. I am sure that all of my future experiences will not be good ones, but the best part about it is that I have freed myself of my past issues to fully deal with my future experiences…good or bad. In all, if you have had enough of struggling with carrying your boulder, just ask yourself: Is it time for me to get my protective gear and tools and chip away my boulder?